EMOTIONAL HEALTH AND DBT SKILLS

Realize the profound benefits and fulfillment of working with your emotions, instead of trying to numb them, mindlessly react to them, or get overwhelmed by them.

"When we resist tough emotions, they don't go away. Instead, they own us, they define us…the more we try to avoid our emotions, the more control they have over our thoughts and behavior."
Brene Brown, PhD

EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS WITH DBT

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Wise Mind

We spend 12 years in school, learning math, history, literature and more, but why don't we learn social and emotional skills?

Like any other skill, emotional health skills need to be taught or at least modeled for us, so we can learn, practice, and gain the experience that brings the know-how, confidence and self-trust to navigate feelings. Unfortunately, for many nowadays, we are shown how to maladaptively react, shame, depress or blame others for our own emotions, instead of learning how to understand and process them.

With Emotional Health Skills you can:

Untangle thoughts from emotions
Process even the most painful emotions
Process rather than depress or over-express emotions
Feel cleaner, lighter, empowered, confident, self-trust and self-connected with Self-Leadership (Wise Mind)
Allow for healing whether it be from everyday stressors, relationship distress, heartbreak, loss, trauma or complex-PTSD
Connect with your genuine values, wants, needs and limits (boundaries)
Communicate clearly to get more of what you want in life, including connection, feeling seen, heard, valued, respected and cared for
Align with your unique sense of purpose, goals, self-worth and joy
Leverage the energy that certain emotions provide to motivate yourself to take action to complete tasks and accomplish goals

"Hurt feelings don't vanish on their own. They don't heal themselves... they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due."
Marc Brackett, PhD, Permission to Feel

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
Thoughts versus Emotions

Thoughts are like a map of a town. Emotions are like experiencing the town real-time.

THOUGHTS ARE LIKE A MAP OF A TOWN

Much of what we say we feel, is really what we think. "I feel you're unfair." "I feel stupid." "You hurt my feelings." These are thoughts/beliefs!

Thoughts are word-based beliefs that stem from what we've learned from others and our past.
Thoughts are not always rational nor factual
Thoughts are, of course, incredibly useful!
Thoughts can bring you into the past (memories) and future (what-if's and planning)
Thoughts are indirect - not necessarily the true essence of who we are in the present moment.

EMOTIONS ARE EXPERIENCING THE TOWN

If you want to know how you feel about something, how do you feel about it right now?

Just as hunger motivates you to find food, emotions motivate you to take care of other needs, like safety and social connection that promote self-worth and feeling fulfilled
Emotions are part of the nervous system and involve neurochemicals and hormones that are felt psychologically throughout the body
Emotions are direct links to your present, authenticity
Emotions inform you of your genuine wants, needs, desires, values, regrets and needed limits (boundaries)
Emotions are based on real or perceived events or thoughts
Emotions can trigger and entangle with thoughts/beliefs, leading to opinions and perceptions, based on past experiences (this has pros and cons)
Emotions are ALWAYS 'on' even though subtle at times.

"Delivering the body from functioning as a storage room for suppressed emotions brings a sense of natural love and ease, a spaciousness, that we commonly call happiness."
Somesh Curti, PhD

SELF-LEADERSHIP (WISE MIND) OVER FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS

WISE MIND AND EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS

Much like our digestive process, ALL of our emotions are our own (even if influenced or triggered from an event-or-person outside ourselves). We have 100% responsibility (whether we want it or not) and POWER to understand our own emotions and process/metabolize them.

Simply put, Wise Mind is your ability to take 100% responsibility for ALL of your emotions, so you may:

Connect with, oversee and guide Rational Mind and Emotional Mind
Untangle thoughts from emotions (tangled together, thoughts and emotions can cause havoc, anxiety, confusion, disorders, chronic stress, depression and 'stuckness')
Ideally process and respond to emotions rather than mindlessly react, blame or depress them
Gain Self-Leadership to quite literally walk yourself through difficult emotions and triggers and calm your nervous system

WITHOUT WISE MIND (DISCONNECTED)

Without Wise Mind, disconnected from bodily feelings, or trying to 'think' or 'judge' your way through them, leaves you susceptible to:

Undisciplined thoughts, beliefs and emotions result in Outer Child (Reactivity) and/or avoidance and depression.
A slew of mindless stress-reactions (fight-flight-fawn-freeze) and maladaptive protective strategies that occur so fast, within 100 milliseconds, it might seem AUTOMATIC!
Fogged prefrontal cortex (attention, planning and decision-making) as your Emotional Mind takes over with racing, irrational thoughts, self-berating and mindless reactions (referred to as "Amygdala Hijack")
Chronic stress (increased emotional stress chemicals like adrenalin and cortisol, and inflammation) and resulting behavioral and mood disorders and medical conditions

Wise Mind is a dial-up connection compared to the information super-highway that links Emotional Mind with Reactivity. Hence, the need to remain aware and connected (mindful) to your feelings as much as possible - so you may be calm and choose your personal value-aligned, mindful responses rather than fall susceptible to mindless reactivity and chronic stress.

WISE MIND / INNER CHILD / OUTER CHILD

True adulthood, maturity and self-love involves taking 100% responsibility for your thoughts and emotions. For many, this never happens, which is why so many adults don't behave like adults at all, resulting in a slew of maladaptive ways of depressing, expressing or reacting to emotions and the resulting unmet wants and needs.

EMOTIONAL MIND AS INNER CHILD AND INNER TEEN

Emotional Mind is part of the "mammalian brain"
Emotional Mind doesn't go away when we turn 18, it never 'grows-up' or becomes rational
We don't 'grow-out' out of emotions
Emotions are 'childish' in that they are imperfect, spontaneous, sometimes erratic, sometimes needy, sometimes viscous tempered, sometimes playful, etc.
Emotions are also teenage-like with emotions like desire and urge to rebel
We can't expect emotions to be mature or rational, as they don't come from our rational, prefrontal cortex

OUTER CHILD AS AVOIDANCE AND REACTIVITY

Reactivity is part of the "lizard brain."
Without Wise Mind, over-expressing emotions, reactivity, and other maladaptive ways of handling or trying to avoid our emotions, can run our lives.
Neglecting, self-medicating, or suppressing emotions quickly - or eventually - results in reactivity, irrational behaviors, anxiety disorders, temper tantrums, depression, resentment, blame, shame, stress-reactions, failures, addictions, dysfunctional relating patterns and more.

WISE MIND AS YOUR TRUE, VALUED-ALIGNED "SELF"

Engage your Wise Mind by observing your thoughts and emotions.
Gives you power to understand and process through EVERY emotional experience with Self-Leadership, Self-Compassion and Self-Discipline.
Processing with Emotional Health Skills allows you to discover the purpose of each emotion: your genuine wants, needs, unmet needs, needed limits and boundaries.
Also known as 'The Observing Self' in many therapy modalities

"For many, it is not an adult self directing their lives, but rather an the emotional 'inner child' inhabiting an adult body... a hurt, angry, fearful little boy or girl calling the shots."
Stephen Diamond, PhD

EXAMPLES OF INNER AND OUTER CHILD

INNER CHILD / EMOTIONAL MIND

Feelings and Emotions

Present Experience

Feels overwhelmed with too much work.

Feels anxious and inferior at a social gathering.

Feels angry because friend is 20 minutes late.

Feels jealous when husband talks to coworker at work event.

Feels angry about not getting a promotion even though due for one after years of proven success.

OUTER CHILD / REACTIVITY

Impulsivity and Reactions
Acts out Emotions

Procrastinates, rebels, fails to do any work.

Overdrinks and overshares personal information.

Scowls angrily and gives silent treatment.

Tells husband about feeling jealous and not feeling pretty enough.

Seethes and feels 'powerless' (depression) for years and finally sends angry email to boss complaining about not being valued

"Emotions have information. when we pay attention to them they give us useable data - which could be a comfort for those of you who might believe that the whole 'feeling thing' is too airy-fairy."
Julia Colwell, PhD

EMOTIONAL LITERACY AND PRIMARY EMOTIONS
Language of Emotions and Meaning

EMOTIONS BLEND LIKE PAINT COLORS

Emotions are multifaceted and blend together (for example, jealousy is a blend of anger, sadness, and fear).
There are 5 to 27 primary emotions - that mix like paint colors creating hues of 34,000+ distinguishable feelings.

EVERY EMOTION HAS A PURPOSE

You may be surprised to learn that every emotion had a distinct message and purpose. With Wise Mind and Emotional Health Skills you can understand and process your emotions in a productive, beneficial way.

EMOTIONS CHANGE EMOTIONS

Hundreds of recent studies prove how certain emotions like SELF-COMPASSION, CURIOSITY and GRATITUDE help us:

Process through painful emotions and feel better
Heal intimacy and attachment disorders, PTSD, depression, anxiety disorders and more
Understand your emotions so you're aligned with your genuine wants and needs

"Nobody is responsible for your own sadness except for you. Nobody is responsible for your fear except you. You are the only person responsible for any and all of your emotions... positive, negative, and everything in between."
Chris Cade

WHERE WE TEND TO FEEL EMOTIONS
Emotions are Neurochemicals and Hormones

Emotions are both the result of, and the cause of, extremely complex neurochemical and hormonal fluctuations. Scientists are learning more every day.

HAPPY / CALM IS FULL BODY

Notice how 'Happy' is a full-body state (nervous system is balanced and calm)
We are meant to be in a state of calm, 'safety' and 'belonging' unless there is an immediate threat to our safety or Connection Needs
Sometimes in order to be calm and happy, we need to 'feel through' (process) our PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS.

PROTECTIVE EMOTIONS

ANGER: blame, resentment, etc. (purpose: protection, boundaries, values)
SAD: hurt, disappointment, etc. (purpose: healing, releasing, rejuvenation)
FEAR: worry, jealousy, anxiety, etc. (purpose: future-focus, safety, planning)
SHAME: self-blame, regrets, should's, bad, etc. (purpose: belonging, moral compass)

INTEREST IS FOCUS AND ENERGY

INTEREST: curiosity, want, desire, valuing, like, passionate, aspirating, motivated, creative, excited, etc.

Nervous System Chart

Learn more about the Emotional Nervous System with Polyvagal Therapy and Nervous System Science for a more thorough understanding of Emotional and Mental Health and Self-Leadership Skills.

"We can't just choose to be happy, but we can choose to be kind ourselves when we're sad. Pain passes more quickly when we don't berate ourselves for feeling."
Lori Deschene

10 BENEFITS OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS

There are more than just 10, but this provides a good overview.

Self-Trust and Self-Connection
Trust and Connection with Others
Healthy Relating with Boundaries
Self-Worth and Sense of Purpose
Information and Direction
Smoother Moods and Less Reactivity
Healing and Letting Go
Mental and Physical Health
Clearer Thinking and Joy
Energy and Motivation

IMPORTANT TO READ! :)

"We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
Brene Brown, PhD

EMOTION VIDEOS

"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream."
Tony Fahkry

WORKSHEETS AND PRACTICES

EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS

PROCESSING EMOTIONS

UNDERSTANDING AND PROCESSING WITH CURIOSITY AND INQUIRY QUESTIONS
<< CLICK ON EACH EMOTION >>

"Anger is actually the most empowering emotion you have. Anger is a message from your body. When you listen to your body's message and act on it in a healthy way, you're more likely to feel safe and heard."
Jonice Webb, PhD

ANGER PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

UNDERSTANDING ANGER

CONSCIOUS ANGER

FEAR AND ANXIETY PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

CONSCIOUS ANXIETY

CONSCIOUS COMPLAINING

SADNESS AND DEPRESSION PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

MINDFUL SELF COMPASSION

HAPPY AND GRATITUDE REINFORCING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

INTEREST / CURIOSITY / DESIRE

VALUES WORKBOOK

DESIRE WORKBOOK

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

SHAME DETOX

DUE TO THE NATURE OF SHAME, THIS IS NAVIGATED IN THERAPY

LEARN MORE ABOUT SHAME WITH COMPASSION FOCUSED THERAPY

PSYCHOEDUCATION HOME PAGE

My Approach

EMOTIONAL HEALTH AND DBT SKILLS

"When we resist tough emotions, they don't go away. Instead, they own us, they define us…the more we try to avoid our emotions, the more control they have over our thoughts and behavior." Brene Brown, PhD

EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS WITH DBT

"Hurt feelings don't vanish on their own. They don't heal themselves... they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due." Marc Brackett, PhD, Permission to Feel

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS? Thoughts versus Emotions

Thoughts are like a map of a town. Emotions are like experiencing the town real-time.

"Delivering the body from functioning as a storage room for suppressed emotions brings a sense of natural love and ease, a spaciousness, that we commonly call happiness." Somesh Curti, PhD

SELF-LEADERSHIP (WISE MIND) OVER FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS

WISE MIND / INNER CHILD / OUTER CHILD

"For many, it is not an adult self directing their lives, but rather an the emotional 'inner child' inhabiting an adult body... a hurt, angry, fearful little boy or girl calling the shots." Stephen Diamond, PhD

EXAMPLES OF INNER AND OUTER CHILD

Feelings and Emotions

Present Experience

​

Impulsivity and Reactions Acts out Emotions

​

"​Emotions have information. when we pay attention to them they give us useable data - which could be a comfort for those of you who might believe that the whole 'feeling thing' is too airy-fairy." Julia Colwell, PhD

EMOTIONAL LITERACY AND PRIMARY EMOTIONS Language of Emotions and Meaning

"Nobody is responsible for your own sadness except for you. Nobody is responsible for your fear except you. You are the only person responsible for any and all of your emotions... positive, negative, and everything in between." Chris Cade

WHERE WE TEND TO FEEL EMOTIONS Emotions are Neurochemicals and Hormones

Nervous System Chart

"We can't just choose to be happy, but we can choose to be kind ourselves when we're sad. Pain passes more quickly when we don't berate ourselves for feeling." Lori Deschene

10 BENEFITS OF EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS

IMPORTANT TO READ! :)

"We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions." Brene Brown, PhD

EMOTION VIDEOS

​"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream." Tony Fahkry

WORKSHEETS AND PRACTICES

EMOTIONAL HEALTH SKILLS

PROCESSING EMOTIONS

UNDERSTANDING AND PROCESSING WITH CURIOSITY AND INQUIRY QUESTIONS << CLICK ON EACH EMOTION >>

FEAR ANXIETY

SAD OR DEPRESSED

INTEREST CURIOUS

MAD ANGRY

HAPPY GRATEFUL

SHAME OR BAD

"Anger is actually the most empowering emotion you have. Anger is a message from your body. When you listen to your body's message and act on it in a healthy way, you're more likely to feel safe and heard." Jonice Webb, PhD

ANGER PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

UNDERSTANDING ANGER

CONSCIOUS ANGER

FEAR AND ANXIETY PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

CONSCIOUS ANXIETY

CONSCIOUS COMPLAINING

SADNESS AND DEPRESSION PROCESSING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

MINDFUL SELF COMPASSION

HAPPY AND GRATITUDE REINFORCING

INQUIRY QUESTIONS

INTEREST / CURIOSITY / DESIRE

VALUES WORKBOOK

DESIRE WORKBOOK

ACCOMPLISHMENTS

SHAME DETOX

DUE TO THE NATURE OF SHAME, THIS IS NAVIGATED IN THERAPY

LEARN MORE ABOUT SHAME WITH COMPASSION FOCUSED THERAPY

PSYCHOEDUCATION HOME PAGE

"When we resist tough emotions, they don't go away. Instead, they own us, they define us…the more we try to avoid our emotions, the more control they have over our thoughts and behavior."
Brene Brown, PhD

"Hurt feelings don't vanish on their own. They don't heal themselves... they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due."
Marc Brackett, PhD, Permission to Feel

WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
Thoughts versus Emotions

"Delivering the body from functioning as a storage room for suppressed emotions brings a sense of natural love and ease, a spaciousness, that we commonly call happiness."
Somesh Curti, PhD

"For many, it is not an adult self directing their lives, but rather an the emotional 'inner child' inhabiting an adult body... a hurt, angry, fearful little boy or girl calling the shots."
Stephen Diamond, PhD

Impulsivity and Reactions
Acts out Emotions

"Emotions have information. when we pay attention to them they give us useable data - which could be a comfort for those of you who might believe that the whole 'feeling thing' is too airy-fairy."
Julia Colwell, PhD

EMOTIONAL LITERACY AND PRIMARY EMOTIONS
Language of Emotions and Meaning

"Nobody is responsible for your own sadness except for you. Nobody is responsible for your fear except you. You are the only person responsible for any and all of your emotions... positive, negative, and everything in between."
Chris Cade

WHERE WE TEND TO FEEL EMOTIONS
Emotions are Neurochemicals and Hormones

"We can't just choose to be happy, but we can choose to be kind ourselves when we're sad. Pain passes more quickly when we don't berate ourselves for feeling."
Lori Deschene

"We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
Brene Brown, PhD

"Your experience of pain changes relative to how you react to it. When you move toward it in an adaptive way, pain shrinks. When you move away from it, pain grows. If you flee from it, pain pursues you like a monster in a dream."
Tony Fahkry

UNDERSTANDING AND PROCESSING WITH CURIOSITY AND INQUIRY QUESTIONS
<< CLICK ON EACH EMOTION >>

FEAR
ANXIETY

SAD OR
DEPRESSED

INTEREST
CURIOUS

MAD
ANGRY

HAPPY
GRATEFUL

SHAME
OR BAD

"Anger is actually the most empowering emotion you have. Anger is a message from your body. When you listen to your body's message and act on it in a healthy way, you're more likely to feel safe and heard."
Jonice Webb, PhD